Natasha Bedingfield, I kind of hate you right now

So, Mike over at In It But Not of Of It wrote this really insulting entry about how Natasha Bedingfield's new song "serves as an insulting (but probably accurate) anthem for women everywhere." Since he kindly provided the video along with the entry and that little gem of wisdom, let me say that after watching it, I'm just insulted. That is not my anthem, but more like my closest idea of the ninth circle of hell. Babies crawling around everywhere? Shudder. Do guys seriously think that all women think like this? Please, tell me the answer is no.

Missin' you, and your sexy fightin' ways

Sob! You guys don't visit me as much anymore. I'm guessing that this is because half of my friends have deleted their blogs, or maybe because we're all working instead of sitting in class trying our best not to pay attention, but fine, I see how it is. However, apparently my blog attracts some odd visitors. Or maybe the visitors themselves aren't odd, but the search terms that they use to get here certainly are. For example, this week, featured search terms include:

"Don't fight a bigger woman" - sort of makes me wonder what the intended destination is, as I'm a lover, not a fighter. And even if I were the latter, I'm kinda wimpy and would thus probably lose any fight with someone bigger than myself.

"Real friends dont fight" - what's up with all the violence people?

Previous winners have included my post on the porn-loving sorority girls, because apparently, porn is a very popular search term. Who would've thought? Oh, and the boob test post, since boobs are also exceedingly popular.

Basically, this whole post has no point whatsoever, except to point out that a blog about law school, my darling friends, and the occasional breast exam, attracts accident visitors looking for blogs about fighting, porn, and the occasional breast exam. I guess one out of three ain't bad, huh?

Friends don't let friends commit fashion felonies

My friend Erica and I have often bonded over our shared taste in clothing, which skews slightly toward that of a seventeen-year-old with a fondness for Forever 21. But today, she sent me an email describing an intended purchase so baffling that even I, who own a dress made out of something resembling PVC (I've only ever worn it on Halloween, I swear), couldn't keep quiet. That item, my friends, is the terry cloth, short-short onesie.

To: Liza Jane
From: Erica
Re: (no subject)

Liza,
I hate to tell you this, because it's likely to ruin our friendship forever. But....here it goes. I think I'm going to buy, and wear, a short-short tube jumpsuit with contrasting trim. Possibly terrycloth. The good news is that I refuse to buy a velour one. That has to count for something. Because I can't hide my love for them anymore. And how trashy and wonderful they look with white pvc heels, or a large-chain gold necklace. Or both! I'm so sorry, and I hope you can understand someday. If you never want to be seen with me again, I understand. Just know that I love you, and I'm really sorry that you may have to let this come between us.
Erica

To: Erica
From: Liza
Re: Re: (no subject)

Erica,
Darling, you know that I could never stop loving you, even though you're planning to combine three things that could loosely be described as a beach cover-up, stripper chic, and ghetto fabulous. I have to say, that particular combination goes together about as well as ice cream, pickles, and BBQ sauce. And your refusal to buy velour merely cuts down slightly on the ghetto fabulous end, so don't think that you're getting off any easier. So, as much as I love you, I feel that I must warn you that there will be an intervention awaiting your return to New Orleans. I can't say when for sure, but I have faith that our friends, fearing for your well-being, will join me wholeheartedly.
For now, be well, and just remember that I'd only do this for your own good.
Always and forever (in spite of, or perhaps because of, questionable choice in clothing items),
Liz
P.S. I'm cc'ing Meg on this. I just don't feel that I can keep it from her, given its severity.

The sad part about all of this is that Meg and I realized at some point that Erica would likely look fabulous in this unholy creation, given her general teenyness and perfect booty. I'm so ashamed.

But seriously people, the power of that booty is strong. You'd be helpless too.

You're It

So I got tagged for this... here goes...

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) FeistyMnGirl
2) What Greg Likes
3) A Blog of a Good Time
4) Hoosier Joe
5) Don't Fight My Hypo

Select five people to tag:

1) Asenath
2) LSD
3) Ashley
4) Maria
5) Heddy

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Lemme see here. I was 15, which means that I wasn’t eating much (I had some issues) and distressing my parents by said lack of appetite.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Still in school, despite the fact that, as in the present, it was summer. Apparently, giant hurricanes will land you in class on a Saturday.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1) Cheese, all kinds of it, lactose intolerance be damned
2) Chips, especially Cool Ranch Doritos
3) Pita with hummus
4) Beer. What? That’s totally a snack.
5) Rice cakes, for when I’m feeling healthy

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
Shit, this is gonna be embarrassing…
1) Anything by Britney Spears (told you it would be embarrassing)
2) Born to Run – The Boss
3) Glamourous - Fergie
4) Synthesizer – Electric Six
5) How Do You Want It – Tupac, b/c apparently, I think I can rap

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) I would buy a house on the beach and do nothing for the rest of my life but concentrate on premature wrinkles
2) Hold on, I’m still thinking about the beach…
3) Move to Paris and buy a fantastic house
4) Move to Venice and buy a house on the Grand Canal
5) Donate a ton of money to stem cell research

Five bad habits:
1) Getting blind drunk and forcing my cab driver to drive all over New Orleans looking for my lost credit card even though I later find out that it’s in my wallet (that only happened once, but still)
2) Never doing laundry
3) Spending too much mone, y on clothes that I don’t actually need
4) Occasionally having drunken cigarettes
5) Facebooking

Five things you like doing:
1) Shopping (see list of bad habits)
2) Hanging out near bodies of water (yes, the Tulane social pool counts)
3) Eating sushi with the ladies
4) Watching horrendously bad TV (See, ANTM, The Girls Next Door, etc., etc.)
5) Centering entire nights around eating too much and watching Grey’s or Top Chef with the girls


Five things you would never wear again:
1) Overalls
2) Acid washed jeans
3) Skinny jeans – they flatter no one, and should not have come back
4) Chunky shoes
5) Critter pants – this is something that I’ve never worn, obviously, but feel very strongly about. Guys, just DON’T go there.

Five favorite toys:
1) The Rabbit. Anyone who’s ever had one knows that the Sex and the City episode centered around said toy is totally correct.
2) Poindexter – my giant stuffed red dog. And no, his name is not Clifford.
3) My iPod.
4) My laptop.
5) My future Kitchenaid mixer – I don’t have one yet, because I can’t force myself to spend that much on a baking appliance, but one day it will be mine, and I will love it. Maybe in Surf Green, or yellow, or Mango.

Good luck

Happy June 1st! That's right, it's officially hurricane season. That magical day of the year when the Gulf Coast starts to brace itself. So get out your rabbit's feet, cross your fingers, and let's hope for another quiet one.

Y'all come back now

Dear Tourists,
Hey, what's up? Nice to have you here, helping out the economy and whatnot, but before your drinking and disaster tour begins, a few words of wisdom.

- On drinking: New Orleans probably has more bars per square foot than any other city in the US. Therefore, we expect you to party while you're here. But please, try not to throw up on the sidewalk. Yes, it happens occasionally. Sometimes you just can't make it back to your hotel. But before you get to that point ask yourself this: would I be happy about if someone threw up in my front yard? No, you wouldn't. It's gross and smells funny. So please, if you can, try to hold it in. We'll thank you for it.

- On traffic: It's not acceptable to cross the street, anywhere, anytime, with no regard for the traffic patterns, and then look scandalized when someone nearly runs you over. It's just not. This is doubly true if you happen to have a stroller with you. A stroller, to me, says "hey, be careful. You're responsible for not only your own life, but someone else's as well." So, if you step off the curb without looking, right into oncoming traffic, don't flip me off. You have no one to blame but yourself.

- On flashing: no, I'm not going to show you my tits. No way, no how. Give up. Yes, your beads are shiny and pretty. They're also $1.50/dozen next door. Thus, your dangling string of plastic baubles isn't nearly as exciting as you think it is. Seriously, stop asking. Only other tourists will flash you anyway.

That's all for now folks. So have fun, sample a daiquiri or two, take some pictures, enjoy your stay here in the Big Easy. And just remember, the Hurricanes are much stronger than you think they are.

Flippin' termites

Imagine a woman on the edge, half yelling, half crying with frustration, waving the vacuum hose around frantically in the air...

...and you have me, tonight. I fucking hate termite season.