Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Friends don't let friends commit fashion felonies

My friend Erica and I have often bonded over our shared taste in clothing, which skews slightly toward that of a seventeen-year-old with a fondness for Forever 21. But today, she sent me an email describing an intended purchase so baffling that even I, who own a dress made out of something resembling PVC (I've only ever worn it on Halloween, I swear), couldn't keep quiet. That item, my friends, is the terry cloth, short-short onesie.

To: Liza Jane
From: Erica
Re: (no subject)

I hate to tell you this, because it's likely to ruin our friendship forever. it goes. I think I'm going to buy, and wear, a short-short tube jumpsuit with contrasting trim. Possibly terrycloth. The good news is that I refuse to buy a velour one. That has to count for something. Because I can't hide my love for them anymore. And how trashy and wonderful they look with white pvc heels, or a large-chain gold necklace. Or both! I'm so sorry, and I hope you can understand someday. If you never want to be seen with me again, I understand. Just know that I love you, and I'm really sorry that you may have to let this come between us.

To: Erica
From: Liza
Re: Re: (no subject)

Darling, you know that I could never stop loving you, even though you're planning to combine three things that could loosely be described as a beach cover-up, stripper chic, and ghetto fabulous. I have to say, that particular combination goes together about as well as ice cream, pickles, and BBQ sauce. And your refusal to buy velour merely cuts down slightly on the ghetto fabulous end, so don't think that you're getting off any easier. So, as much as I love you, I feel that I must warn you that there will be an intervention awaiting your return to New Orleans. I can't say when for sure, but I have faith that our friends, fearing for your well-being, will join me wholeheartedly.
For now, be well, and just remember that I'd only do this for your own good.
Always and forever (in spite of, or perhaps because of, questionable choice in clothing items),
P.S. I'm cc'ing Meg on this. I just don't feel that I can keep it from her, given its severity.

The sad part about all of this is that Meg and I realized at some point that Erica would likely look fabulous in this unholy creation, given her general teenyness and perfect booty. I'm so ashamed.

But seriously people, the power of that booty is strong. You'd be helpless too.

Friday, June 15, 2007

You're It

So I got tagged for this... here goes...

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) FeistyMnGirl
2) What Greg Likes
3) A Blog of a Good Time
4) Hoosier Joe
5) Don't Fight My Hypo

Select five people to tag:

1) Asenath
2) LSD
3) Ashley
4) Maria
5) Heddy

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Lemme see here. I was 15, which means that I wasn’t eating much (I had some issues) and distressing my parents by said lack of appetite.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Still in school, despite the fact that, as in the present, it was summer. Apparently, giant hurricanes will land you in class on a Saturday.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1) Cheese, all kinds of it, lactose intolerance be damned
2) Chips, especially Cool Ranch Doritos
3) Pita with hummus
4) Beer. What? That’s totally a snack.
5) Rice cakes, for when I’m feeling healthy

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
Shit, this is gonna be embarrassing…
1) Anything by Britney Spears (told you it would be embarrassing)
2) Born to Run – The Boss
3) Glamourous - Fergie
4) Synthesizer – Electric Six
5) How Do You Want It – Tupac, b/c apparently, I think I can rap

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) I would buy a house on the beach and do nothing for the rest of my life but concentrate on premature wrinkles
2) Hold on, I’m still thinking about the beach…
3) Move to Paris and buy a fantastic house
4) Move to Venice and buy a house on the Grand Canal
5) Donate a ton of money to stem cell research

Five bad habits:
1) Getting blind drunk and forcing my cab driver to drive all over New Orleans looking for my lost credit card even though I later find out that it’s in my wallet (that only happened once, but still)
2) Never doing laundry
3) Spending too much mone, y on clothes that I don’t actually need
4) Occasionally having drunken cigarettes
5) Facebooking

Five things you like doing:
1) Shopping (see list of bad habits)
2) Hanging out near bodies of water (yes, the Tulane social pool counts)
3) Eating sushi with the ladies
4) Watching horrendously bad TV (See, ANTM, The Girls Next Door, etc., etc.)
5) Centering entire nights around eating too much and watching Grey’s or Top Chef with the girls

Five things you would never wear again:
1) Overalls
2) Acid washed jeans
3) Skinny jeans – they flatter no one, and should not have come back
4) Chunky shoes
5) Critter pants – this is something that I’ve never worn, obviously, but feel very strongly about. Guys, just DON’T go there.

Five favorite toys:
1) The Rabbit. Anyone who’s ever had one knows that the Sex and the City episode centered around said toy is totally correct.
2) Poindexter – my giant stuffed red dog. And no, his name is not Clifford.
3) My iPod.
4) My laptop.
5) My future Kitchenaid mixer – I don’t have one yet, because I can’t force myself to spend that much on a baking appliance, but one day it will be mine, and I will love it. Maybe in Surf Green, or yellow, or Mango.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Good luck

Happy June 1st! That's right, it's officially hurricane season. That magical day of the year when the Gulf Coast starts to brace itself. So get out your rabbit's feet, cross your fingers, and let's hope for another quiet one.

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