Friends don't let friends commit fashion felonies

My friend Erica and I have often bonded over our shared taste in clothing, which skews slightly toward that of a seventeen-year-old with a fondness for Forever 21. But today, she sent me an email describing an intended purchase so baffling that even I, who own a dress made out of something resembling PVC (I've only ever worn it on Halloween, I swear), couldn't keep quiet. That item, my friends, is the terry cloth, short-short onesie.

To: Liza Jane
From: Erica
Re: (no subject)

Liza,
I hate to tell you this, because it's likely to ruin our friendship forever. But....here it goes. I think I'm going to buy, and wear, a short-short tube jumpsuit with contrasting trim. Possibly terrycloth. The good news is that I refuse to buy a velour one. That has to count for something. Because I can't hide my love for them anymore. And how trashy and wonderful they look with white pvc heels, or a large-chain gold necklace. Or both! I'm so sorry, and I hope you can understand someday. If you never want to be seen with me again, I understand. Just know that I love you, and I'm really sorry that you may have to let this come between us.
Erica

To: Erica
From: Liza
Re: Re: (no subject)

Erica,
Darling, you know that I could never stop loving you, even though you're planning to combine three things that could loosely be described as a beach cover-up, stripper chic, and ghetto fabulous. I have to say, that particular combination goes together about as well as ice cream, pickles, and BBQ sauce. And your refusal to buy velour merely cuts down slightly on the ghetto fabulous end, so don't think that you're getting off any easier. So, as much as I love you, I feel that I must warn you that there will be an intervention awaiting your return to New Orleans. I can't say when for sure, but I have faith that our friends, fearing for your well-being, will join me wholeheartedly.
For now, be well, and just remember that I'd only do this for your own good.
Always and forever (in spite of, or perhaps because of, questionable choice in clothing items),
Liz
P.S. I'm cc'ing Meg on this. I just don't feel that I can keep it from her, given its severity.

The sad part about all of this is that Meg and I realized at some point that Erica would likely look fabulous in this unholy creation, given her general teenyness and perfect booty. I'm so ashamed.

But seriously people, the power of that booty is strong. You'd be helpless too.