Come Here Often?

I think my conditioner is hitting on me. Observe the contents of the back of the bottle:

Longing for more? Let it out and indulge every inch with my velvety conditioning fused with red raspberry & satin. I'll give your length the strength against breakage and split ends. You've got longer hair to love. And I've got more love to give. How long will you go without touching it?

Use me: soak me in all the way down. My, you're headstrong. Rinse & repeat for good measure.

Use me? My, you're headstrong? How long will you go without touching it? I swear I feel a little violated every time that I end up reading the back while waiting for it to soak in "all the way down." Why is my conditioner trying to get sexy with me? And it's not just me. Max just declared that it sounded like the dirty guy in a chat room trying to talk sexy.

Also, how did I make it through my whole life not knowing that raspberry had a "p" in it? It doesn't make much sense.