Liza goes shopping

Rather recently, the limit on my credit card was raised. As I haven't bought any new clothes for myself in quite a while, and as the summer climate in New Orleans is rather different than that in Pennsylvania, I've gone shopping a few times in the last few weeks. However, my credit card has yet to get a workout. It continues to sit, neglected, in my wallet. This is because, on those few shopping trips, I have yet to find anything that looks even remotely decent on me.

I used to love to shop, like really, really love to shop. I still have the bad credit score to prove it. Lately, however, I really haven't been having as much luck. I may find things that I think are cute but, lo and behold, I put them on and instantly look deformed. Apparently clothing doesn't think I'm as cute as I think it is. So, without further ado, a few of my most recent fashion pet peeves:

1. Maternity-wear. I realize that it's not actually maternity wear, that "babydoll" is a better term for it, but since I look pregnant in it, that's what it shall remain to me. Mostly, it just makes me look flat-chested on top and shapeless on the bottom. Will it ever go away? Could designers at least try to make something different? Some people look cute in these clothes, fine. But not all of us do, so throw me a bone here.

2. Formal shorts. Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, that looks good on, oh, no one. While over at my friend Pink Pirate's house the other day for some Project Runway fun, she said she'd seen a number of suits lately sporting the shorts look. I don't know what sort of office allows you to get away with this, but most do not. The look definitely doesn't say "Hire me, I'd fit right in to your conservative, old-fashioned profession." That, and shorts with a jacket is just lopsided. It makes no sense, like wearing Uggs with a mini (which, while we're on the subject, if you're that damn cold, put some pants on).

3. Long shirts. No belly shirts? Great, fantastic, about damn time. There is something known as overcompensating though. It happens when the shirt is so long that I wouldn't actually have to wear pants if I chose not to. I have small boobs and a decent sized booty. I don't think I'm deformed or anything, in fact I think I'm normal, but this looks accentuates the booty and downplays the boobs. I'm actually looking for the opposite effect. Leave some shirts long, I don't care. But maybe, just maybe, could I get a shirt that doesn't double as a dress?

4. Leggings. I look back at pictures of myself from the 80's, and I don't think about reliving the photo. Mostly, I just laugh at myself. Someone please make them go away.

I realize that some of this stuff is popular for a good reason. But, do you know what I left the mall with the other day? Flip flops. They're really cute, and I did kinda need them, but I want more. I want skirts, and dresses, and shirts that don't come down to my knees. I don't think that's too much to ask for.