Chain Reaction

When I was in elementary school, I used to occasionally get chain letters. At the time, because I was 6 years old or so, I was just happy to get something in the mail and they didn't bother me. As I got older and obtained no less than 3 email addresses, I started getting obnoxious forwards telling me that if I didn't send the email to 7 people I would be struck by lightning, immediately. I'm less thrilled to get these, and I've mostly stopped opening them because I don't like it when hotmail tells me I'm about to die. Recently, however, I started getting chain letters again. Like, actual chain letters, on paper, sent to my home.

The chain letter phenomenon started a couple of months ago, at my Pittsburgh address. I would randomly get these hand-addressed letters in the mail and, all excited that I was receiving something that wasn't a student loan or credit card bill, I would rip into them. And...a fucking chain letter? Apparently endorsed by 20/20 and Oprah (because you know Oprah made her fortune on chain letters)? That wants me to spend $174 mailing these irritating pieces of shit to people? No thanks. They all claim to be written by "retired attorneys," assuring the participant that it's totally legal to send out what is basically a postal-pyramid scheme letter (because lawyers never do anything illegal, right?). But it can't be a scam, can it? It's just "people helping people" (just as an aside, if you get one of these and you believe that bullshit, you totally deserve to get ripped off). The letter tells you that you're supposed to take the list of six names included on the last page, send them each a dollar, and ask to be added to their mailing list. A little convoluted logic later and this is apparently what makes the whole thing "legal." You're paying a dollar to be added to a mailing list so that other assholes can send you a dollar to be added to your mailing list. Makes total sense, right? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

Anyone else get these things? Just me? Anyone else get more than one (I've gotten four now) and want to drive to the sender's house, letter in hand, and torture him with paper cuts?