It's Called a Turn Signal, Asshole

Everyone who has ever driven in New Orleans knows full well that we have some of the worst drivers EVER. Mostly, I've learned to deal with it. I know, for instance, that a turn signal often means nothing at all, and I should stop asking myself "Maybe he's lost? Is he going to turn here?" I've learned that speed limits are suggestions only, not to be taken seriously. I've learned that going anywhere near Metairie means at least an extra half hour stuck in the traffic. But one thing that continuously irks me is when people don't use their turn signals at all. For instance, in the last two days, this habit has been at least a contributing factor in two very near misses for myself and my darling car. It's like I have a fucking bulls eye painted on it. For instance, let's look at what happened yesterday on the way to the grocery store. I'm driving along on Gentilly Blvd., on my way to the Winn-Dixie. There aren't that many cars out, and I'm in the far right lane, minding my own business. Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, a big ass SUV decides that he would also like to be in the right lane. In fact, it seems he wants to be on top of my car, because without any sort of turn signally warning, he just moves on over. I lay on the horn, but the asshole apparently had bad reaction time, because it took him a second to move back over, causing me to have to scrape the curb and then jump it to avoid certain death. I scraped the shit out of my rim (not that they're nice, but still), but was otherwise unharmed. What pisses me off the most is that if he had used his damn turn signal, I would've known what he was doing and could have slowed down to let me in. Actually what pisses me off the most is that his whole apology was a goofy little wave that wasn't even really a wave but more of a gesture suggesting that he didn't realize how close I'd come to DYING. Idiot.

Fast forward to today. I'm having a bad day. I didn't do well on my bar practice test, and the gym was filled with children armed with megaphones (quick aside: Ripples day campers currently taking over the Reily Center - I HATE YOU). So I left, because I couldn't even hear my iPod, let alone relax and work off some stress. I'm driving home, and I'm stopped at the neutral ground intersection, waiting to cross the street, when a United Cab Of Death decides to make an illegal U-turn, without a turn signal, and with no lights (it was pouring down rain). He runs smack into the front of my car, after I had politely honked the horn to let him know that, hello? there's a car here. Does he get out to see if my car and I are okay? No. Does he respond to my signals to pull into the parking space right across the street? No. He makes me get out in the monsoon to check my own car. I am normally mild-mannered, but this pissed me off. So rather than a quick check of the damage (of which there was none), I felt the need to lecture him. So I did. I left him have him it a little bit about a turn signal, and turning your damn lights on, and how you're not allowed to make a U-turn here anyway, and "Seriously!!!! How did you not see me?!" It made me feel better, but not as good as when I reported him to his employer. Idiot.