Update: You can just call me Grace

I know I posted the other day about my clumsiness, and it was supposed to be funny and all, but really, it's annoying. Not even a week after dumping beer everywhere, I have just managed to kick a very full glass of very red juice off of my bookshelf. It went everywhere. It took a full roll of paper towels to clean up. So, I ask this: why, oh why, for the love of God, can't I ever just spill water, clear, easy-to-clean-up water? And since I imagine I know the answer to that question, I'll just say this: Fuck Murphy, and fuck his laws.

You can just call me Grace

I am a clumsy person, always have been. Apparently, I was not born with the gene that imparts grace to other young girls. Ever since I was quite small, I have tripped, run into things, spilled drinks and food, and generally made an ass of myself on a regular basis. When I was a kid, my mother used to say that I wore more food than I actually ate.

For the most part, I can laugh at myself and my utter lack of coordination. Fell off my shoe in front of everyone? Better to laugh with people than just be laughed at. Fell down the basement stairs and cut up my back? For some reason, it seemed kinda funny, as evidenced by the fact that my mother found me at the bottom of the steps, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. This isn't always the case, though. For example, I've broken my right arm three times, in the same place. The first time, I was only two, and I was jumping in some leaves. I'm guessing I didn't find that very amusing. The second time, I fell off a friend's deck. I'd like to think that I was a little more stoic than I was at two, but I started bawling the second I got home. The third time, I was on the monkey bars, at age ten, and just plain fell off of them. Still not funny, although I tried to tell my mother that really, nothing was wrong, I had probably just bruised myself. Slightly more recently, in high school, I was so enraptured with a boy that I was talking to that I ran head first into the glass doors of the library. Now that's just embarassing.

A few minutes ago, I dropped the last beer on the floor, causing it to spill all over the floor, my bookshelf, and my feet. The last beer people. So not funny.

Update: my brother has pointed out that I didn't just fall off the deck. It was slightly more complicated, in that my friends and I were pulling each other off of the deck on sleeping bags. Sort of like sledding, but it was summer and it was the best we could come up with. I guess that makes me a little dumb as well as clumsy.

Tainted spinach anyone?

Forgive me, please, for the following post. I just can't help it.

I was reading the newspaper the other day, and came across an article about the whole tainted spinach/E. coli thing. For some reason, Contracts 2 came back to me in a flash, and I thought to myself, "I wonder if someone could sue for breach of express warranty. I mean, it says right there on the package 'Pre-washed, ready to eat.' That's why I buy it that way, because it suits my laziness. I trusted them. I would totally sue."

So, am I right? I would have gotten around to figuring it out, but I was so horrified that I had just had that thought that I chose to start drinking instead.